Still the Prisoner of Azkaban
by Mycroftmalfoy
Summary: Remus helps Sirius heal the dammage done by years in Azkaban.  Mild slash in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

Still the Prisoner of Azkaban

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter and no money is being made from this fiction

Remus Lupin stepped off the Hogwarts Express onto platform nine and three quarters. The June sunshine felt warm on his shoulders and for a moment he felt as though he were a boy about to begin his summer holidays. The reality was that everything he owned in the world was in a trunk and two bags and he had nowhere to go.

He shrunk his luggage down to pocket size and made his way thought the barrier and into Muggle London. As he walked to the Leaky Cauldron, he could not keep the smile off his face. It was three weeks to the full moon and he had enough Gallons in his pocket for a few weeks logging. A nice rare steak (and Tom knew how rare he meant) and a new book were as far ahead as he was thinking.

Several hours latter he was sitting in a modest room and had finished his new book of literary analyses of some legends recently translated from Ancient Runes to English. He sighed when he realized the author was one of his classmates from Hogwarts. There was no use wishing for a quiet orderly life, a quiet day was as good as it would be for him.

Reluctantly he turned his mind to where he was going to go. He wondered where Sirius had gone. At first he had assumed he had traveled far to some obscure and remote location but now he wondered. Sirius was the sole air to the Black family fortune but he couldn't exactly stroll in Gringots and get into the vault. Remis was willing to bet that there were cash hordes on all the properties though. Could he just hide on one of his family properties? It should be the first place to Ministry, not to mention the dementors would look. However, there were centuries of wards in place on these properties, some of the surly dark magic. Perhaps Sirius could hide in one.

Remus got a quill and parchment and began to make a list. A hour later he had written all he could remember about four homes he had heard Sirius talk about. First was the main house in London 12 Grimmwald Place. He knew the phrase that would cause the house to appear and after that he would have to hope Sirius would remove any other wards protecting the place. The second house was in Paris. Sirius hated France and that house was small as it was mainly used by his mother. Third, the estate in Scotland. It was, however, only a few miles from Hogwarts so it seemed an unlikely destination. Finally there was a farm purchased when his father had gone through some sort of organic food phase went Serius was twelve, Remus smiled at the memory of Sirius buying all the sweets from the trolley on the way to Hogwarts that year after a summer of fresh vegetables.

After a lot of thought, Remus eliminated options two and three. He was either at the house on Grimmwald Place or at the farm in the English countryside. Well, tomorrow he would try the London house and if Serious was not there Arthur Weasley could find the deed and give him the location of the farm. He did not stop to consider why finding Sirius was suddenly his main goal, rather that finding employment or a safe place to transform in a mere three weeks. Once he had thought of it, finding Serious just seemed right. When those wolf instincts came into play it was best to just trust them. Remus know if he examined his motives to closely he might loose his nerve.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Same as chapter 1

A.N. This story takes place immediately after PofA.

It was shortly after noon and Remus Lupin was standing on Grimwald place staring at a block of townhouses and thinking he was lucky to be alive. He had been able to stun the Aurer watching the street for any sign of Black. He felt some guilt about modifying the man's memory but it had to be done. Remus drew a deep breath and repeated the phrase his fellow Marauder had taught him many years ago. He wondered what language it was; not English, Latin or Greek, something older, Hebrew maybe or Sanskrit.

As he watched, the building slowly began to stretch. In less than a minute a house appeared between 10 and 14 Grimwald place. He approached the front door consciously and simply knocked. There was a brief shimmer in the air as some protective wards were removed. The heavy oak door creaked open. Remus smiled. His werewolf sense of smell told him at once what he needed to know. Sirius was there.

"Padfoot!" Remus walked down the cluttered entrance hall. Since his call went unanswered, he wandered from room to room looking for his oldest friend. As he approached the kitchen, the seant become stronger. "Sirius, answer me. Its Mooney. Lily gave you a tie for your fifteenth birthday. It was lovely except that it was in slythern green and silver. You wore it for a week just to annoy her. Its really me. Please come out."

He stood in the doorway of the kitchen. A small movement in the dining room caught his eye. Sirius was sitting, cross-legged, under the dining room table eating Muggle potato chips. When Remus approached, he scrambled back further under the table. Remus crouched down and peered into Sirius' eyes. A deep growl came from is friend. There was no playfulness to the sound; it was the response of a cornered animal.

The man he was staring at was not the same as the one he had seen less than a week ago in the shricking shack. He was even dirtier and smelled worse. His left leg sat at an odd angle as thought it had be badly broken and not healed or even set properly. He was making odd twitching movements and after the brief initial eye contact, he would not even look in Remus' direction. There was a puddle of urine on the floor where he had been sitting.

"Peter gone, all gone away, free, free …he is bad, did you know that?" The voice had an odd lilt, as though he were reading a nursery rhyme. Remus kept quiet, afraid anything he said might make things worse. Suddenly he turned and looked directly at Remus. "You're a werewolf."

" I am Remus Lupin, your friend."

"Did you bring a present?" The voice sent chills down his spine. It was almost childlike but the was an eerie, manic undertone.

"I brought chocolate," Remus replied, pulling a bar from his pocket. He held it out as thought trying to attract a timid animal. Sirius crept forward, clearly expecting a trap. He took a full five minutes to reach the edge of table and grab for the candy. Remus broke off a piece and gave to his friend. While Sirius ate he reach a hand over to pat his hair, something he had enjoyed since becoming an anamagus. Sirius pulled away at first but eventually let himself be patted as he ate chocolate. Within minutes he was sound asleep with his head on Remus' knee.

Remus kept his body still and relaxed but his mind was racing. It was clear that Sirius had been able to function when he was seeking revenge against Pettigrew and protecting Harry but with Peter gone and Harry safe the effects of eleven years in Azkaban were coming to the surface. He would be glad to care for the other man but he wondered if the damage could be healed. If not, perhaps Sirius could just live out his life as Padfoot. Better a happy dog than a tortured human. He remember the witty, charming, intelligent boy with whom he had gone to school. He shed his tears silently so he would not awaken the shell of a human being asleep on his lap.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: same as Chapter 1

Sirus was so painfully thin that Remus discovered he could easily lift the taller man. He carried him up the stairs in search of a bathroom and a change of clothing. He had never been in the house but remembered the descriptions that were repeated often in their first few years at Hogwarts, before talk of his home had become too painful for his friend.

The third floor yielded Sirus' childhood bedroom and Remus placed the sleeping man on the dusty bed. The room appeared untouched since Sirus had left at the age of sixteen. Further down the hall, Remus found a bathroom and cast a cleaning spell on the ancient tub. Satisfied it would do for now, he began filling the huge cast-iron bath. It must have seemed like a swimming pool to Sirus and his brother Regulus as small boys.

Remus braced himself to waken his friend and again deal with his disordered mind. It turned out he need not have worried. Sirus' eyes were open but he was silent and still. "Padfoot," he said gently, " I… you need to take a bath. I am going to help you." There was no answer or movement as Remus crept closer.

"Sirus?" The blank stare was starting to unnerve him. Best to just get on with it. He began to unbutton Sirus' shirt. There was no movement but he could smell fear. "Its ok, its ok , " he repeated gently. He removed the shirt with no response from its wearer. He swallowed as he realized Sirus wore no socks or shoes. The only logical thing to do was remove his pants and put him into the bath. He hesitated, trying to get his own emotions under control. When he reached for the waist of his pants, Sirus gave the tiniest squeak my made no move to escape.

Remus gently removed the final garment. The clothing was caked with dirt and no doubt held bad memories as well. He burned them with a quick spell. He lifted his frail friend and carried him to the bathroom. He eased the body into the warm water. "Accio soap, Accio shampoo," he said with a wave of his wand. The requested items floated into the bathroom and settled themselves beside him. The water was already a soupy gray colour so he drained it and ran fresh water into the tub. Sirus still made no response.

Finding a wash cloth and a jug which he was fairly sure was meant to be decorative, he set to work. Remus poured water over his friend's once black hair, shocked to see how much gray was present. He slowly worked shampoo through the tangled mess. He talked as his finger worked more to calm himself than in any hope his companion understood.

"Do you remember the first time we met? I was sitting in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express and James had joined me but we hadn't spoken. The door slid open and there was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. I had grown up quite isolated and had never seen a boy with long hair before. Everyone else was wearing muggle clothing or school robes but not Sirus Black. Green wizard robes, brand new. You introduced yourself as if you had done it a hundred times before. Then, you sat down and announced we were friends. No self doubt at all. I think I loved you then."

The water was again dirty so Remus drained and refilled the tub. He summoned his own hairbrush and brushed Sirus' long hair and he sat in the warm water. His eyes were still staring blankly but there was a faint smile on his face.

Remus paused, the washcloth in his hands. For the first time in many years, he really looked at his friend's body. The ribs were visible. There was nothing of the muscular Quiddith player he had been. Yet, as he looked he felt the same stirring he had when he had peaked at Sirus' sixteen year old body while they were at school. Sirus would always be beautiful to him.

Remus shook his head. He had to rid himself of these feelings. Sirus was not gay. At this moment, he was not sane. How could he lust after someone who until an hour age was hiding under their own dining table? Yet, Sirus had remove the wards to let him it. On some level he must know who I am.

As he began to bath Sirus, all thoughts of intimacy were driven from his head. The look of his friend face as he touched him was not the fear or embarrassment he anticipated. Remus would never forget the look of pure haltered his oldest friend directed at him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: same as chapter 1

When Sirius was dry and wrapped in a blanket, Remus took a good look at his leg. It would need to be rebroken before it could be healed. It was rare that being a werewolf came in handy, but these were spells Remus had perfected long ago. Once he left the safe cocoon of Hogwarts, he had often awakened after transformations with half healed broken bones. Unfortunately, he also knew exactly how much it hurt. He summoned his last bottle of pain potion.

"Sirius, I need to fix your leg. Its going to hurt at first. I want you to hold very still or I will have to use pasificus totalus on you." There was no response. "I'll take that as agreement."

Remus pointed his wand at the leg and mumbled the rebreak spell. Sirius giggled. Tears formed in the werewolf's eyes. He knew first hand how much a broken femur hurt. If his friend laughed at that ...what had he suffered in Azkaban? He healed the leg with two simple spells. "Drink this," he said offering the pain potion to his friend. Sirius pressed his lips shut and moved his head from side to side to avoid the bottle. It was such a dog like gesture that Remus had to laugh "Ok ok you win." He recapped the potion. He gently patted his friends clean shiny hair. After a few minutes, Sirius crawled around n a circle a few times and went to sleep. Remus kissed the sleeping man's forehead and withdrew from the room.

Remus settled himself in one of the third floor guest bedrooms to be close if Sirius needed him. Once he unpacked and stowed his trunk in the closet, he went down to the kitchen to see how much food was in the house. There was no fresh food of course but a careful search turned up a pantry stocked with a years worth of canned and dry food. This was a relief as wards prevented anyone from aspirating in or out of the house and he did not want to tempt fate by dealing with an auror again.

There was on further necessity if he was to stay and help Sirus over the long term. He

had no wolfbane potion and Sirius could not understand why he would need to become and stay Padfoot. Remus would need a sturdy place to lock himself, from which the wolf could not escape. He knew the logical place to check. He had spent all his childhood transformation locked in his parents' basement. He shuddered at the thought. He had promised himself never again. The memory of Sirius cowering under the table made him ashamed of his reluctance.

A quick search showed the door to the basement to be off the entrance hall. The door was very thick, solid wood. That's promising, Remus thought suppressing a shudder. He open the door and started down a surprising solid looking staircase. "Luminous." The light from his wand did little to dispel the gloom of the huge room.

A door at the far end of the room caught his attention. He crept forward, a knot forming in his stomach. The door was not wood but metal. He pulled the heavy door open and moved into the room. The walls were also metal. It was not a room but a cage. How appropriate he thought sarcastically. Why would it be here? The floor was made of damp earth and his nose gave him an answer. Over time, several people had been held prisoner here, had died here. He fell to his knees, dizzy at the thought of being trapped here, in this small damp cell. That's when he smelled a familiar scent. No no. His brain did not want to accept it. The seant was so like Sirius'. It could only have been his brother. Voldermort did not kill him when he left the deatheaters, his own mother had. The thought of sitting locked in this room waiting to transform was making him ill. He crawled from the room.

He had been sitting on the floor, gasping for breath for a minute, when he realized something was odd. The rest of the basement had no smell at all. Wizards could not do the odor canceling spell. Only house elves could. Remus was pondering the implications of a Black family house elf when something nudged him. He stifled a gasp of surprise and turned to face Buckbeak. He felt almost giddy with relief. He realized he was so phobic about basements, he had missed seeing a hippogriff. The creature looked healthy so someone was feeding him. He bowed just in case but the lonely animal did not want to stand on ceremony. It allowed him to pat his face.

Remus climbed to the ground floor and went to make himself a nice cup of tea. He took stock of the situation. Aurors and dementors were after Sirius. Sirius himself was somewhat crazy. There was a hippogriff in the basement. Somewhere in this vast house, there was an unsupervised house elf doing Merlin only knows what. He would have to transform in the cage where Regulus Black was starved to death by his own mother. Splendid!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: same as Chapter 1

Remus was awakened the next morning by a large black dog jumping on his stomach. It took a minute to orient himself. He sighed, remembering where he was, all that he needed to deal with. He spent some time patting the large black head. Then, reluctantly started downstairs to face the day.

Sirius bounded ahead of him, giving a joyous bark as they approached the kitchen. He had seen a good supply of dog food in the pantry but it pained him to feed kibble to his best friend. Sirius' anamagus form reflected his state of near starvation just as his human form did. He sipped his tea and watched his friend crunch happily.

"When that Aurours stop watching the house, I will go buy you some real meat." The deep brown eyes stared at him and he heard a whine.

"No, I can go now. Most likely, it will be a few weeks before the Ministry decides your not here." The animal tilted his head to one side.

"No, I won't stun him and alter his memory. We can't take stupid chances like that." The dog lay down with its head on its paws.

"Don't give me that attitude, Sirius. This isn't some stupid prank. You know better than anyone what is at stake." The dog came near and placed its large head in Remus' lap. The sigh sounded strangely human.

When his tea was gone and his dry cereal eaten, Remus sat down to make a list. It had always helped him organize his thoughts. First priority was to find and gain control of the house elf. If he was doing what he thought was the will of the late Mrs. Black, there would be problems. She would have been delighted to see Sirius back at Azkaban. To control the Black family house elf, he needed a human Sirius.

"Padfoot, I need you to become Sirius. Can you do that?"

The large black animal seemed to shrink as it cowered in the corner, curling into a ball. "I know, you're sad and frightened when you are a human. I'm here now. I will keep you safe." He hoped he sounded more confident than he felt.

Slowly, without leaving the corner, the dog reshaped to become a man. A very naked Sirius. His body was clean and his black hair gleamed. Remus felt as though he couldn't breath. For a moment, Remus could think of nothing but how badly he wanted this man. He stared, feeling a stirring in the front of his baggy track pants.

Sirius stood and walked over to him. He made no attempt to cover himself. Standing directly in front of the seated Remus, he reach out to stroke his face. His other hand took Remus hand and pulled it toward his unclothed body. Remus was so caught up in his own desire he almost let it happen. Then, he saw Sirius' eyes. There was no love, no respect, no lust, hate and only hate. Sirius had read his desire and was ingratiating himself with his new jailer.

"Stop!" The harsh command was out of his mouth before he had time to think. Sirius returned to the corner of the kitchen, cowering in terror. Remus felt despair. He put his head on the table and tried not to shed the tears forming is his eyes. His best friend , the man he had loved since they were teenagers, was afraid of him. As on the day before , it was a pure animal terror. How could he gain the trust of this damaged man? Words seemed to mean nothing. Sirius could not regard himself as an equal. He seemed to have no memory of their past friendship. Like every human being, Remus was a threat.

The memory of Sirius as a student, confident and proud was torture for Remus. James and Sirius were always showing off, vying for leadership of the group, he and Peter tagging gratefully along. Was that arrogant laughing boy lost forever? Where was the dog that dared to play with a wolf?

It seemed the only time he had any sense of himself was as Padfoot. An idea started to form in Remus' mind. Moving very slowly, he got down from the chair, onto his hands and knees. Crouching low and keeping his head down, he crawled slowly toward his friend. He glanced at Sirius, careful not to make eye contact. Sirius was watching him cautiously but showing no fear. When he was less than a foot away, he rolled onto his back and lifted his chin to expose his throat. He lay very still for what seemed like a long time. He hoped he wasn't making a fatal mistake. A deep growl came from Sirius. In one quick movement, Sirius had an arm across Remus' chest pining him to the ground. Teeth closed over his windpipe with an uncomfortable amount of pressure. Remus held still, willing his body to relax. Just as he was starting to enjoy the strange intimacy, Sirius let go.

Sirius walked to the table and sat on a chair. Remus approached tentatively and waited to be invited to sit. When Sirius use his foot to push out a chair, Remus sat on it. Sirius pick up the list as if it were his own. "I'll deal with Kreacher. You find a way to get me some steak." His voice sound like the old Sirius. He was not sure how sane Sirius was but he had certainly regained a sense of himself as the alpha animal.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1

Over the next two weeks some problems were sorted out. Sirius was as good as his word, taking control of Kreacher, the Black family house elf. Kreacher was not happy with the arrangement but Sirius had grown up dealing with the house elf. He knew enough to be very careful how he phrased commands, leaving no room for misinterpretation. He even had the elf go to Hogwarts and give Dobby a shopping list and some galleons. Dobby shopped and Kreacher brought the goodies back to Grimwald place.

The tempting food was essential as Sirius had lost the habit of eating regularly and had to be encouraged to eat. The meat and candy brought back by the resentful house elf was helping Sirius to gain some much needed weight. Other than that excursion, Kreacher was forbidden to leave the house or to contact anyone. His mournful muttering did little to raise either man's sprit but they were safe for the time being.

Buckbeck presented a bigger problem. Hippogriffs were not meant to be house pets under the best of circumstances. This was not the best circumstance. They were trying to ration their food and hippogriffs ate plenty. Even for a hungry hippogriff locked in a dark basement, Buckbeak was acting strangely. He was constantly preening his feathers. Each night, the men were awakened by the animal's loud mournful call, sounding strangely like signing; bad, bad, singing. Then there was the smell. It wafted up from the basement spreading all over the ground floor. Kreacher cleaned up the droppings regularly but the smell came from the animal himself. The elf claimed to have forgotten how to do the odor canceling spell.

"Naughty Master Sirius and his half-blood, half breed will stink too." Remus listened to the elf mutter as he made a half hearted attempt to dust in the formal parlor. Perhaps the strangest thing was that Buckbeak was friendly. Remus had dropped care of magical creatures after his OWLs, but he remember that hippogriffs were proud creatures, often more than a little aloof. Something was wrong with the noble animal.

In desperation, Remus searched the Black family library. In among the books on the Dark Arts was a volume on magical creatures. The problem was obvious once he began to read. Buckbeak was in heat. If he did not find a female hippogriff soon he would become violent. The book even suggested the were cases of suicide among sexually mature hippogriffs denied a mate.

Remus sighed. He leaned back in the comfortable armchair and closed his eyes. He understood how the animal felt better than he wanted to admit. Seeing Sirius grow stronger each day was both delightful and frustrating. His body was healing faster than his mind. In two weeks he had gained muscle and his face was filling in to its familiar contours. His skin, while still pale, was no longer was waxy or yellow. Sirius was now meticulous about his hygiene. The only remaining physical challenge was his teeth. Remus had never needed dental healing spells. Once they were sure the house was not being watched, he would owl Hermione for suggestions. A brilliant witch, with muggle dentists as parents would surly have researched those spells.

Sirius' mental health was a greater worry. He was not timid or fearful around Remus anymore but he was not even close to normal either. He spoke only to give orders to Kreacher or to answer a direct question. He spent many hours a day as Padfoot, running around the large house, barking and leaping over furniture. As a human, however, he was very subdued. He wore only pants, adamantly refusing shirt, socks or underwear. He would sit and rock himself for hours, his expression blank. If Remus did not act submissive or approached to close, he would growl in a way that meant business.

In spite of Sirius' mental state, Remus wanted him more that he ever had. He vivid, explicit dreams every night, waking up to add his own frustrated moans to those of Buckbeak. He know he should be ashamed of lusting after a mentally ill man. Remus was making peace with his feelings. He loved Sirius, broken or whole. He had been sexually attracted to Sirius since he has any sexual feelings at all.

Remus looked up to find Sirius had entered the room and was sitting across from him starin. Careful to avoid eye contact, Remus ducked his head and said, " Buckbeak needs to leave and find a mate. I know you like having him here but he will get sick if he stays."

"I know."

"You know?"

"Padfoot knows, so I know. The odor makes his desires quite clear. "

"Do you have any ideas how to get him out of here with alerting the Ministry as to our whereabouts?"

"Kreacher can apparate to southern France with him. There is a colony near Beauxbatons. There will surly be an unattached female in a group that size; or an unattached male."

Remus was so shocked at hearing so long and coherent a speech from Sirius that at first the content escaped him. Had Sirius really stopped to think that maybe Buckbeak wanted a male mate? He looked up to find his friend studying his face intensely.

Sirius nodded once at whatever he saw in Remus' face and transformed into Padfoot. The large black dog jumped on Remus knocking him to the floor and ran off barking and knocking over anything in its path. Remus stared after him wondering what if anything the exchange meant.

A.N. Thanks to TheAngstQueen for her kind reviews.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: same as chapter 1

"Padfoot, I need you to be Sirius. We need to talk". They were seated on a worn sofa, the large black dog resting his head on the man's lap. Remus had been patting the soft head and rubbing the long black ears. Almost instantly, the dog transformed into human form. He did not shift position so Remus continued to stroke the long black hair.

"Its only two days until the full moon. Do you remember why that is important?"

The silence stretched out so long Remus thought that he was not going to receive any answer. "Werewolf ." There was another long pause. "Padfoot plays with a werewolf, but he is afraid of him." Remus digested this information in silence. He had not had any idea that Padfoot feared the wolf. He was touched by the sacrifice his friends had made to keep him company during all those painful transformations during his school days. If a dog was afraid, how much more fear would a deer or rat experience.

The silence dragged on so long he was startled to hear his friend speak. "I don't want to be scared." It was a whisper he would not have heard without his very keen senses. He could see that Sirius was becoming agitated. He began to twitch and make small whimpering noises. Sweat was forming on the back of his neck. After a minute of so he began to tremble.

"Padfoot, you need to control your pack." Remus kept his voice calm and neutral, with no hint of command.

The shaking stopped and Sirius sat up. I one quick movement he bit Remus' ear and pushed him of the sofa onto the floor. Ok, it wasn't quite sane behaviour but at least it was functional, Remus thought to himself.

"You're the wolf. Remus Lupin is a werewolf." His friend looked down at him, chewing on his lip and showing signs of agitation again. "The wolf is alpha."

Remus took a deep breath and pressed on. "We are going to lock me in the room in the basement. The wolf will be trapped and can't hurt you. You will be on your own for a day, and then we will be together again."

"I don't want you to be in a cage." Remus watched the emotions flow of his friends face. The fear that the wolf might hurt or dominate him wrestling with the need to protect Remus from the horror of being trapped in a cell.

"Its alright. The wolf is safer in a cage. He might hurt himself if his runs loose. You will be caring for me by helping be lock myself in the room."

The lines of worry seemed to ease from Sirius' face. He agreed to manage on his on while Remus experienced the transformation in the locked room. Remus had never known Sirius to give in so easily. He was left with the feeling it had been too easy.

Three days latter, Remus woke up on the hard packed dirt floor with the panicked feeling something was very wrong. He was in pain as always. It took a few minutes to figure out where he was. The smell of blood did not surprise him. The wolf had been chewing on his own leg. He could see bite marks in the torn flesh of his leg. The smell of blood other than his own did surprise him. It was definitely human blood, not that of an unsuspecting rat.

He followed the sent to a pool of blood by the door. It was not a big puddle but he could see smears where the wolf had been licking it. He noticed a small slot in the door which looked a if it could be used to pass food into those imprisoned in the room. He sniffed to blood and the slot. His stomach processed the information his brain did not want to accept. He vomited.

He crawled to the corner of his cell and curled up, hugging his knees. He did not want to know what lay outside the door. The blood was that of his best friend, the man he loved, the on whose health, mental and physical, he was trying to restore and protect. He had hurt and possibly killed Sirius Black.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Disclaimer: same as Chapter 1

Remus eventually calmed down enough to hear the whimpering coming from the other side of the thick metal door. He unlatched the deadbolt he had installed at the very top of the door. He had also installed a small shelf out of the wolf's reach. Now he retrieved his wand from it and removed the ward he had place on the entrance. He drew a deep breath and pulled open the door.

Physically, it was not as bad as he feared. The injury was limited to one arm. Sirius's right hand hung by a small flap of skin and muscle. He lay in a pool of blood, barely conscious and mumbling to himself. His breathing was shallow and he stared straight ahead.

Remus began to mutter spells, moving the tip of his wand of the wound. "Sirius!" he yelled, gently shaking his uninjured shoulder. "Call Kreatcher."

Sirius' mouth moved but not sound came out. None the less, Kreacher appeared. Remus scratched a hasty note and handed it to the elf. "Send him to Dumledore." Again, Sirius gave the silent order and the elf disappeared. Remus could only hope he was bringing the list of needed potions to Hogwarts.

Sirius had lost consciousness by the time the wound was closed. Remus carried him gently up the stairs and placed him on the bed in the room he now thought of as his. He was glad he had vomited almost immediately upon awakening. He had discovered the ends of both lower arm bones and most of the small wrist bone were gone as he healed the injury. The thought of actually digesting Sirius' bone, blood and muscle made him ache with shame and disgust.

He looked down at his own body. He was naked, covered in blood and had some nasty looking bites on his right leg. He healed his own leg and limped slowly to the bathroom. Remus let the hot shower run of his sore body. He walked slowly back to his room. There were four vials on the night stand by his bed. He eased Sirius into a semi sitting position and poured Skeligrow potion down his throat. When he didn't chock, he gave blood replenishing potion, anti-infection potion and pain potion.

He lay down on the lumpy matters beside his friend. Sirius stirred in his sleep, snuggling closer to Remus. In spite of his exhaustion, Remus found he could not sleep. What had Sirius been thinking? Even the most disordered mind should realize that you could not pet a cornered werewolf. He had been carful to protect against the wolf getting out or Sirius entering the cell. It had not occurred to him to seal the small slot in the door. Perhaps the impulse to comfort someone trapped in a cell had overcome the venerable mans' sense of self-preservation.

Remus brushed a lock of hair from his sleeping friends face. He remembered the last time his friend had underestimated the danger of a transformed werewolf. Snape could have been killed and he could have had to live with that killing on his continence. He had been angry for months. Finally, when Remus had finally agree to partner with him in Potions, Sirius had waited until Snape passed by their cauldron. Sirius had put powered milkweed root in the half completed potion. Predictably, it had exploded, leaving them both covered in pink goo. He then gave Snape a dirty look, letting the whole class think the quiet Slythern boy had got the best of them. Snape caught on immediately and smiled accepting a pat on the back from several Slytherian students. For anyone else it might have been a small gesture but Sirius did not swallow his pride easily.

In the end it didn't matter. Remus would forgive Sirius anything. He had doubted Sirius' guilt while he was in Azkaban, but in his heart he would even have forgiven Sirius that. He loved Sirius and he always would.

Without thinking, he leaned over and gave the sleeping man a kiss on the cheek. His lips slid over until he was kissing Sirius' lips. Without wakening, Sirius opened his mouth and kissed back. Remus pushed his tongue greedily into the open mouth and ground his erection against the other man's hip. He reached over to stroke Sirius through the thin fabric of his pants. When he felt Sirius becoming hard, he realized what he was doing.. How could he take advantage of someone mentally unstable and heavily drugged? He tried to pull away but Sirius held him tightly, placing his head on the shorter man's shoulder. He whimpered softly, clearly having a bad dream. Remus forced himself to accept the embrace, pushing away both arousal and guilt. The sleeping man smiled and mumbled a single word. "Grandpa." Forget Azkaban, Remus thought to himself, he needed to ask Sirius a few question about his childhood!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Disclaimer: same as Chapter 1

Remus sat sipping his tea the next morning watching Padfoot eat a large bowl of kibble. He knew he should be encouraging Sirius to be human, but he needed time to think. He had no idea how to approach the topics that needed to be discussed.

After eating , Padfoot stretched up and transformed into Sirius. He gently took Remus' arm and led him up the stairs. Remus followed willingly, ready to delay awkward conversation as long as possible. Sirius stood in the middle of the second floor hallway and faced the wall. He spoke a phrase in a language Remus didn't know and a door appeared. Sirius placed his palm on the door and repeated the phrase. The door swung open.

Inside were more galleons than Remus had ever seen. "Everything in Gringots and the house is Harry's. This is yours."

Remus just stared. For the second time this morning, he did not know where to start asking questions. "But..."

"I adjusted my will right after the escape."

"How did you find a lawyer to write it?" Remus asked inanely. "You looked crazy, dirty, like…"

"Like an escaped prisoner," Sirius suggested. "I had a wand, his wand more to the point, aimed at his children. He was happy to help me with my estate planning," Sirius explained. "The house in France is being sold and the money will go to Harry."

"Sirius, your not dead, your only thirty-three."

"I am going to do something stupid. I don't mean anything specific, but sooner or later I will take too big a risk."

"Like last night?"

"Yeah, like that.

"Sirius, what were you thinking? You could have died. I don't think I could live having killed you. I love you." His voice faded to a whisper.

"I know you love me. If I could love anyone it would be you.

"Why, Sirius, I nearly took your arm off. Why…?

"I didn't want to be afraid anymore. I won't be afraid of you. I need to be safe here."

By the time Remus looked up to meet his eyes, Sirius was not just biting his nails, but was chewing on the fingers of his uninjured hand.

"If you were afraid, why put your hand in the cage? It was so..." Remus suddenly froze. The realization hit him suddenly. "No, oh Sirius, no."

"It's the only way I can go on being with you. I can't cope with fear. "

"Did happen last night?" His voice was little more than a whisper.

"No. I waited until it was almost dawn. I didn't want to bleed to death waiting for you to come save me. I'm crazy not stupid." The boyish grin almost defused Remus' anger.

"Next month, oh Padfoot, it hurts so much, everyone will hate you…"

" Are you suggesting that I may become an outcast; that I may have scars on my beautiful body, oh dear!'

"Its forever, you can't change your mind."

"Yes, Remus, now we are bonded forever. Not the way you want, but it's a big commitment. You can truly be my pack now. And, I've never thought it was such a bad thing. Physical pain means so little Remus. We can find an unpopulated area, once a month, we will be free."

Remus was speechless. He had not heard such a long or coherent speech from Sirius in more than ten years. Sirius wanted him to be his pack. It wasn't his fantasy of a declaration of love, but it was a sincere invitation to form a family. Being a werewolf had always seemed such a handicap to Remus. Perhaps, compared to Azkaban, compared to life on the run, the threat of the dementor's kiss, it was a small and incidental thing. Being the werewolf, the only one around, may be a prison, but being one of a pack might just be OK.

"This," Sirius waved his hand indicating the piles of galleons, "is me taking care of MY pack."

Remus stepped closer, ducking his head out of instinct more than habit. Sirius embraced him roughly. "How about some of the steak you have been hording. I am hungry all of a sudden."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: same as chapter 1

The next two weeks passed surprisingly calmly. Remus tried to keep things as routine as possible as even small changes made Sirius nervous. He ventured out one day and was pleasantly surprised to find there was no auror watching Grimwald Place. It was a lovely sunny day, so they chanced a walk to a nearby park, with Padfoot of course. Both men enjoyed the change but Padfoot pressed against Remus if any adult passed too close. He showed no fear of children though, even allowing one small boy to "pat the nice doggie."

The evening following their outing, they sat on the couch as they often did, with Padfoot's large black head resting on Remus lap. Remus stroked the soft fur. Some evenings, he read books from the extensive Black library as they sat but tonight he just enjoyed the moment.

Padfoot transformed into Sirius but did not move so Remus continued to stroke his hair. " I need to talk to you."

Remus sat very still. He initiated most of their conversations and Sirius still seemed to find it hard to put words together, as if English were a language spoken as a child, rusty but not entirely forgotten. "Alright"

"I need to remember something, I learned something important while I…was at Azkaban." He ground out the last three words as if the words themselves caused unbearable pain.

Remus held very still. He had been thinking Sirius needed to share some memories of those long years but had not dared approach the subject. Sirius had been acting almost normal since the night of the full moon. He glanced at Sirius' wrist. The red marks had faded. The scars replacing them had the distinct bluish cast that told him werewolf saliva had entered the wound. "Do you remember anything about the thought?"

"It was about you and your problem. Our problem now." There was a hint of a smile on his face.

"You could remember me?"

"Only your pain because it hurt me. I couldn't remember your face or your name, only how you hurt every month, your skin ripping as you transformed, how you screamed."

"So what you want to remember is about that?"

Sirius had gone very still. Tears were starting to fall down his face but he didn't make a sound. "Grandpa knew a werewolf." The words were a whisper. "He said the way to ease the pain was so simple. He laughed at us for not figuring it out."

Remus longed to here about the simple solution but he might never get Sirius to talk about Azkaban again. The desire to share his friend's burden won out easily over self interest. "Tell me about Grandpa."

"He must have liked his name. He couldn't remember it. He was about seventy, so I called him Grandpa. Apparently, it felt right; we figured he had grandchildren. In all those years, he was the only cellmate I ever had."

"Did he share your cell for long?"

"Alive for about three weeks.. They left his body there of about half a year after that."

Remus forced back the tears forming in his own eyes. This moment wasn't about his pain. "I'm sorry."

Sirius did not appear to have heard. "I had been there about two years. I didn't have a calendar and no natural light ever came in. I'm not sure about time, I was never sure. The cell door opened and I thought I would be questioned again. Instead, they threw in this unconscious old man. He was wearing only pants so I knew right away why he was at Azkaban."

"He had the darkmark," Sirius answered the unspoken question. "Most prisoners are guilty. When his regained consciousness, we talked. He had come to my cell right from his trial and he still remember some things. It was so good to just talk. I knew I was a Black and although he could not remember his family, he was sure they knew mine. 'Two pureblood boys!' How we laughed at that."

"It was so cold in the cell. When we were tired, it just seemed natural to cuddle together. I was all bones by that time but Grandpa still had some fat and a surprising amount of muscle. After years of a stone floor, he felt so soft. I had stopped dreaming but he was new and had terrible nightmares. He woke up screaming. When he kissed me , I let him. No, I didn't just let him. I kissed him back."

Sirius sat up and looked Remus in the eye. He no longer whispered. "The guards raped all the prisoners. I was a good looking twenty –three year old when I arrived. I got more than my share of their attention. By the time Grandpa arrived, I could not remember liking girls. That was a happy memory. I remembered the guilt and anxiety I

had felt about liking boys too. Those feeling haunted me when the guard abused me. Remembering that ended up being a gift. Those feelings flooded back when Grandpa kissed me."

Sirius looked away, not wanting to see the disgust in his friends eyes. We did everything together. Everything two men can do. He was my first experience with being, uh, on top. In those weeks, I grew to love him as I had never loved anyone. When we were intimate, we could sometimes see each other's memories, legilimency without even using wands. I saw him torture and murder people in his memory and I didn't care. At least, I could be sure those weren't happy memories. He saw you transform. He told me how to help you."

"How?"

"You need to become an animagus. You will definitely be a wolf since you were bitten as a child. All you need to do is take your animagus form before the full moon and there will be no pain when you transform."

"I remembered," Sirius said dully.

There was a minute of silence that felt much longer to both men. "Do you want to leave?"

"No."

"I loved a seventy year old deatheater. I kissed his darkmark. I think you could guess who his werewolf friend was, who told him the secret. I am a traitor."

"I love you." The word were spoken with quiet conviction.

Sirius turned back to look at his friend. "Don't you understand? I fucked a friend of Grayback."

Remus leaned forward slowly and place his lips against Sirius'. Both were still for a moment. Then, Sirius began to kiss him.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Disclaimer: same as chapter 1

Remus opened his eyes to bright sunlight. For a moment, he couldn't remember why he was naked, lying on the ground. He had not experienced the transformation outdoors for years. He stretched and his hand and encountered something warm and furry. " Padfoot, wake up and change."

The large shaggy dog looked at him for a moment before stretching up to become a healthy looking man. Sirius smiled at his friend.

"Well?"

Sirius' smile widened. "Well what?"

"Did you transform? Did it hurt? Do you know where we are?"

"Yes. No, but it itched. About a mile from your house."

"I'm sorry, Sirius. I hoped you wouldn't be a…did you say my house?"

"Yes, you own a large county house and several acres of land. It is unplotable and is protected by generations of extremely dark magic. That's how I knew we wouldn't wander into a populated area. The perimeter is very secure"

"Oh," Remus paused. "You gave me a house?"

"A large house or a small manor. Yes, I changed the deed at my last solicitor appointment."

"The one where you threatened his children?"

"Yes, that one."

"So would you like to come to my place and tell me about your first time?"

A hour later they had showered and were enjoying tea in Remus' kitchen. "It really didn't hurt?"

"It didn't hurt at all. I wasn't kidding about the itching though. If you can become amimagus, it will never hurt again."

"Do you remember anything about being a wolf?"

"No but I woke with some gray fur in my mouth. So I guess we had fun."

Although he had no clear memory of the past night, Remus had the impression it had been fun. His injuries had been limited to those caused by the transformation itself and a bite mark on the back of his neck. There were no self inflicted wounds. Werewolves, like wolves were pack animals and now he had a pack.

In fact, he now had more than he had ever dreamed. A home, money and a way to ease the burden of being a werewolf had all been given to him by Sirius. Remus felt guilty wanting more, but he did. He longed for Sirius to be his partner, his lover, his mate. He was wondering if Sirius could ever be that to anyone. Maybe it was just too soon. Remus was a patient man; he would wait for a lifetime.

As the sat drinking tea, Remus reached up and rubbed his neck.

"Sore from sleeping on the ground? You must be getting old," Sirius teased.

"No. I'm sore from being bitten."

"Let me see." Sirius got up and walked around the table. He brush back Remus' hair and traced the fresh bite with his finger. Remus could hear Sirius' breathing change. He felt the fingers resting on his arm tighten.

"Sirius?"

Sirius pulled the smaller man to his feet and caught him in a tight embrace. Remus leaned in to kiss Sirius but instead he felt a human bite mark join the canine one on his neck. So soon after a transformation both men were still acting on instinct, rather than thought or even emotion. "Mine!" growled Sirius.

And then both were beyond words. What little clothing the were wearing was shredded, even magic could not repair them.

Remus stared into Sirius' eyes They were the eyes of the old Sirius; passionate aggressive but all there. Remus was barely able to breath. Then, Sirius' mouth was on his. His lips parted as the kiss deepened. Their bodies pressed tighter. There could be no doubt that Sirius wanted him. He felt his wrist grabbed and he follow Sirius to a large bedroom. The bed was huge but there was no linen. He offered no resistance when Sirius pushed him back onto the mattress and fell on to of him.

Remus felt hands on his body, but seemed to have forgotten how to move. He closed his eyes lay still as Sirius stroke his arms chest and worked their wasy up his thighs . Both thought and instinct told him Sirius needed to be in control. Usually, he was quite aggressive sexually but now easily gave himself to Sirius.

Soon, he felt himself rolled over and his hips grasped firmly. Then, was the moment had had dreamed of since he was fifteen.

Remus had no sense of how much time passed before they lay panting and satisfied on the bare mattress. He was so filled with joy, with happiness, he did not think he could feel any better. He was wrong. He heard the sleepy mumbled words "love you," and before he driffed of to sleep, he knew it was the best moment of his life.


	12. Chapter 12

Epilogue

Disclaimer: same as chapter 1

Two years later, on a cold rainy day in November, Remus dragged a patio chair and a cup of tea a short distance from his back door. He placed the chair at the foot of two simple graves. "Well Sirius, I have some things to tell you."

He was quiet for a few minutes, feeling the drizzle dampen his clothing, sipping his tea and reflecting. Sirius had never fully recovered. He had been happy at times in the two year they had had together, but he could not function in the world. Perhaps, it had been for the best that as a wanted criminal, he had not been forced to interact with strangers or face unpredictable situations.

Just as he had predicted, he had died young, doing something stupid. 'And something noble, as I would have guessed,' Remus added to himself.

Many of their happiest times had been after Remus perfected the animagus transformation. He did not become a wolf as expected, but a large gray dog. It appeared that like one's patronis could change in to match that of a soulmate, so too could one's animagus form.

After Sirius died there had been no body to bury. Remus had bought a simple headstone, something so plain and simple it would have offended any member of the Black family had any been alive to see it. He knew this alone would have made Sirius smile.

The second grave, with its matching marker was also empty. William Goyle was inscribed on the other headstone. Dumbledore had found the name from the vague description of his age and date of imprisonment. He had been predeceased by his son and his only granddaughter had given birth to twins last month. The family had squandered much of their fortune funding Voldemort during the first war. It would be a welcome surprise to find a scholarship included in the twins Hogwarts letters eleven years from now. If Dumbledore had wondered why Remus had paid tuition for the children of two loyal deatheaters, he had never asked.

Remus forced his mind back to the present. "Padfoot, I am going to marry Tonks. I haven't misled her, I've told her the truth about everything. She persists in wanting to be together. Sirius, I want a child. Since she is your cousin, perhaps our child will have a little of you in him. I don't have the strength to love twice like you did. I'll be good to her though. I will make something of the time I have left."

Placing his cup down with care, he lay on the ground in the empty place to the left of Sirius's grave. He closed his eyes and whispered, "I'm coming home soon, Love you."


End file.
